Learning How to Suffer Well
As we find meaning in adversity, we become all the more capable of enjoying the happiest moments in life.
It wasn’t too long ago when I experienced the most stressful week of my life.
What started off as a once-in-a-lifetime deal to propel my business forward ended up being a series of disasters that not only upset our high-profile client, it also put me at risk of getting arrested or heavily fined. It was one of those moments where constant dread kept you on your feet, 24/7.
Coincidentally, in that same week, my wife and I got a free stay at one of the best hotels by the grand Manila bay. Though it provided us with some respite, it wasn’t enough. As far as stressful times go, this one still takes the cake.
Imagine yourself being put through a roller coaster ride of stress, anxiety, and straight-up fear for five straight days. That despite the outstanding bayside view and the highest levels of comfort one can ever experience, your heart is still racing from fear of things going terribly wrong.
In retrospect, my stressful week in that bayside suite still doesn’t come close to what other people out there have experienced.
In the wake of recent events, life is becoming complete hell for more and more people worldwide. Men and women are losing their livelihoods, family members are dying, single people are going insane from isolation — the human race is just having a hard time right now.
The thing is, this is somewhat to be expected. Life was never meant to be easy. At times, it gets really really tough, even to the point of tears.
From the many storms that get sent your way, you can never predict when you get hit by a hurricane.
That being said, there’s at least something good about storms — they eventually pass. And just like any survivor of a major calamity, I too managed to emerge from the rubble, picked myself up, and began the road to recovery.
I started by checking all the blessings I still had and cherished them so deeply like never before.
At the end of the day, I still had my sanity and my freedom. I didn’t lose any family members. I’m still perfectly healthy with no serious disease eating at my life force.
After all, what we make of our circumstances all comes down to perspective.
There is Meaning behind Suffering
The last of human freedoms — the ability to choose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances.
— Viktor Frankl
In his international bestseller, Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl teaches that it’s possible to find meaning and purpose behind suffering.
That even if our terrible circumstances never change, we have the capability to make sure that our attitudes remain composed.
If there’s anyone out there who really knew real suffering, it’s Frankl. Not only did he endure the infamous ordeals within the Nazi concentration camps as a Jew, he also did it with grace and dignity.
The key is perspective — to go as meta as you can and looking at things from a higher plane.
Tim Urban, editor of my favorite blog, ‘What But Why, uses a method called “zooming out”. The way he explained it was like riding a mental helicopter and flying up as high as you can until you have a bird’s eye view over the whole “landscape”.
Although commonly used for developing objective and unbiased thinking in problem-solving, this method is just as useful in helping us get some perspective when examining our trials.
If we look at our problems in relation to the “grand scheme of things”, our understanding of it expands. We start to see it for what it is — merely a bump in a very long road.
When I first saw this wallpaper on my friend’s screen, I immediately grew fond of it, mainly because it brought me back to reality each time I gave it a quick stare, reminding me that life isn’t going to let up, not one bit. And that all I can do is keep calm and suffer well.
This phrase, to me, ties it all up — providing a simple roadmap for navigating through tough times.
Suffering Well is accepting that suffering is inevitable.
Along with taxes and change, suffering is constant and will forever be a part of our imperfect world. Coming to grips with this reality and fully embracing it is essential to be comfortable with, well, ‘living’.
Instead of dreading every incoming problem, suffering well means rising up to the occasion, rolling up our sleeves, and facing it head-on.
Suffering Well is knowing that it is PERFECTLY OKAY to suffer.
Before I get into this, let me tell you what suffering well is not — forcing a delusional sense of optimism onto ourselves, magically making us feel okay even when we’re not. This practice is toxic.
Rather, we must be fully acquainted with our emotions. It is perfectly okay to feel stressed, angry, or sad. Don’t suppress it. WE ARE NOT weak because we struggle.
Study your emotions and really get to know yourself during your darkest times. Only by understanding ourselves and our feelings can we determine the best steps towards healing.
Suffering well is gaining perspective.
Once we get self-understanding down, we will want to know how to better navigate through our trials. Suffering well means finding Meaning behind adversity.
As mentioned earlier, this entails developing an overall understanding of our current situation by seeing the bigger picture. Although it will not get rid of the suffering per se, it does provide some relief and puts one in a better headspace to make the right choices during tough times. Concurrently, it is a great safeguard against falling into the deep abyss of insanity.
Suffering well is having gratitude.
As we find Meaning behind suffering, we become more capable of enjoying the happiest moments in life, all the more.
The good times are the true highlights of life, after all.
Instead of dwelling on our problems, we can instead focus on the blessings. And let me tell you, there are many. No matter the circumstance, there is always something to be grateful for.
Suffering well is having hope.
Last but not the least, suffering well is living with that underlying sense of hope for better days ahead, which we know, will inevitably come. It not only trains us to enjoy the long-awaited day, but it also serves as a beacon of light that breaks through the darkness.
Like our friends who live in areas prone to disastrous calamities, we can accept the inevitability of suffering and make sure to always be prepared for the worst — to train our minds and develop resilience against the toughest of storms.
When they pass, which they always do, we can be ready to greet the first rays of light that pierce through the clouds, looking forward to the emergence of a new day.
